Recent Reads

Men's Guide to the Women's Bathroom - Jo Barett

Zipporah - Marek Halter

Red Tent - Anita Diamant

Lucky - Alice Sebold

36 Week Appointment

This weeks appointment was embarressing and painful. My OBGYN did a cervical checkup and also swabbed the cervix and rectum for bacteria that may be harmful to baby. Checking for bacteria is pretty standard. However, it was SO uncomfortable, and I felt really sorry for my poor male OBGYN who had to deal with a squirming patient who acted like she was in labor while he poked around down there. Afterwards he said "Well if you find a simple cervical exam painful, then most likely you'll need an epidural during labor. It'll help when the muscles down there start to stretch."

BLAH. I hated being told that, but what can I do. Usually during my normal gynelogical exams in life I wasn't exactly in paradise, but at least I could bear it enough through the exams. Pregnancy has just made every tube and crevice in my body SWOLLEN so things hurt ten times more. So when doctor sticks his finger up there, it feels 10x more sensitive. Blargh. I can't wait until labor when they check the cervix dialation periodically with their fingers...it's going to SUCK.

Otherwise the heartbeat of baby and my blood pressure was fine. I mentioned that baby's kicks had slowed down, but that I thought it was due to his lack of room (he doesn't kick as much anymore, he just adjusts his position and moves). Doc decided I need a non-stress test (NST) which measures the baby's kicks and heartbeat. So for the next 3 appointments I'll be seeing the OBGYN for the standard checkup and also getting hooked up to a monitor for 20 to 60 minutes for the fetal NST. It'll be boring, but as long as it's painless (compared to everything else in labor!) and good for baby I don't mind. My Mom constantly asks about baby's movement during the final month, I guess it's super important.

The doctor also said that baby should kick more after small meals throughout the day. However I find that I feel the most movement from baby when I'm hungry, like baby's telling me "Go eat already damn it!" I also feel baby move when we are watching TV or listening to music.

Packing bag

So these items are going into my bag for the hospital:

1. PJ's - (Victoria Secret)

2. Going home out oufit (for me) - sweat pants and top (Mimi Maternity)

3. Going home outfit (for baby) - onesie and a sweater set, plus socks & hat.

4. Slippers (cheap ones from the drugstore)

5. Nursing bra (Mimi Maternity)

6. My favorite flip flops (Skechers)

7. Hair brush, travel size shampoo/conditioner, makeup bag, contact lense case.

8. Medicine (my usual array)

9. Book, DVD (not sure which ones yet!)

10. Socks

Things to grab last minute: glasses, cell phone charger, G's laptop (hehe), camera.

Five Things You Never Thought You'd Say

• "Let me just finish this can of frosting."

• "Would you mind tying my shoes?"

• "Does my stomach look too small to you?"

• "Can you please massage my perineum again?"

• "Help, I can't get out of bed."

Installing a Husband

And I Thought Windows Vista Had Issues…

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support
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Pregnancy Itch

In more exciting news of my pregnancy, I have developed a horrible itch. It started out on my stomach with the addition of lovely stretch marks on my lower belly. The stretch marks got red and redder and the doctor noticed in my last visit and prescribed Cortaid (over the counter) topical cream. He asked if the rash was anywhere else, and I said no. Well over the past 2 days the itching has reached my feet, lower legs, and hands. It's worse at night.

After some online research I've found that it can be either of two things - First, it can be a benign pregnancy rash that is really annoying but not harmful and usually goes away after delivery. The acronym for this is called PUPP and it can be treated by experimenting with over the counter medications (cortaid, calamine, aloe, etc).

Second, it could be that I have a liver disfunction, which means that the bile ducts are not working correctly and all the toxins are collecting in my body, resulting in the wonderful itch. This is not good news if diagnosed, because it means pre-term labor and potential harm for baby (often times these ladies are induced into labor to prevent possible harm to baby). I would need to get a blood test to check for this. Being that it is 4th of July weekend I'll have to call the doctor on Monday to see if I should get the test done.

So we'll see which one it is...Obviously I hope it's the first benign rash and that this baby can be carried to full term. Sigh. Just another worry for me, and another darn symptom (I swear I am the textbook example of a pregnant woman...I have gotten every single symptom a pregnant woman could possibly get, except for constipation...knock on wood). I get the BabyCenter weekly news bulletin that outlines changes in the body week by week. Any symptom they mention that "might" be occuring is spot on - I am on schedule for every single symptom! This week they mentioned itching, and of course it started on me too.

The itching is apparently very common in ladies having boys and who gain a good amount of weight during pregnancy. Yup that's me.

My feet are slightly swollen and ugly looking...Makes me sad because the one part of my body that I've always liked are my feet, they've always been skinny! I think my hands are swollen too due to the fact that my wedding ring (once loose) is too tight to wear.

33 Week Doctor's Appointment

Three weeks ago our baby was in the 35th percentile weight class (underweight compared to other babies). This time the doctor measured him as 75 percentile weight class! His head size measured a week ahead (34 weeks) and the doctor said he will probably be 8 1/2 pounds.

So this could several different things. First, it could mean that baby caught up really well and all the milk and icecream and yogurt smoothies I'm drinking are really working. Second, it could mean that the weight varies so much from week to week that you never really can guarantee what the baby's final weight will be once delivered (I have a feeling that all the amnoitic fluid and mush that's inside me makes a difference in the measurements). Third, it could mean that the doctor is just wrong. The first doctor who measured baby at 35% was a radiologist and had a really fancy ultrasound machine and took several minutes to examine baby. Today's doctor, my personal obgyn, took about 5 minutes and was very quick to say what the baby's new weight was. But then again it's hard to say....I trust both doctors equally and so far they haven't done anything to make me doubt what either of them have to say about baby's health.

Well as I've been told by several ladies who've been through this, even if he ends up underweight it'll be better for the delivery! Right now I''m just amazed at my body weight. Today I finally snuck a look at the scale when the nurse was checking...SCARY....I weigh more than my husband! No wonder my clothes barely fit, even the maternity clothes are getting tight. Sheesh.

When hunger comes in pregnancy, it's odd...I can't think of ANYTHING besides shoveling food in my mouth, so whatever is nearby and handy I heat. I don't have the willpower of when I was non-pregnant to take the time to find something healthy or go shopping or cook something healthy. No wonder pregnant women like having help around the house...if Mom was here at least I would have healthier options besides eggs/dairy products and peanut butter!