Human beings are complicated, I realize. You can't expect too much from someone who isn't your husband, mom or dad.
But the one thing I do expect, from almost everyone, is a good positive attitude. I don't expect or want money or help or even moral support.
This concerns my paternal side relatives. I have many fond memories of visiting my uncles, aunts and cousins during my childhood. They are generally good & decent folks who will say things to make you pee in your pants laughing, but when it comes to attitude, they are just damn ANNOYING.
So during my wedding days I enlisted the help of a few particular relatives, mostly from either my hubbies or my maternal side, to help out with the planning. The reason I asked them and not the paternal side relatives was:
1. The paternal side never inquired or asked whether I needed any help.
2. The maternal side was so excited and they kept calling me.
3. Hubbies side kept in close contact with me as well.
Paternal side never called me. Ever. I called them 3 times in the months leading up to the wedding (this does not include times when my Dad called them and I happened to be nearby so ended up chatting with them). The conversations would end up in weird heated arguments with my aunt. I wasn't the one arguing, she was the one who would talk a mile a minute and tell me that I needed to CHANGE THE VENUE and the CITY of my wedding. She never slowed down to ask WHY we even chose the city (duh, we had to compromise with the groom's side!) and she never waited for any explaination or apology from me. Instead, she spoke about how she was not going to allow my grandmother (my darling, cute, grandmother that I wish had attended the wedding) to travel so far (the distance wasn't that far in reality). She brainwashed my grandmother into thinking that she wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding festivities.
My parents, me, and hubbie paid for ALL of the wedding. I think we had total rights over how to have the ceremony. Having an opinion is one thing, but INSISTING and declaring that our ideas for venue and city are HORRIBLE and that our wedding will be a DISASTER is a whole different issue.
I never asked them for anything, I just wanted to include them, meaning I just wanted them to BE THERE. And, I wanted a good attitude. It was a nice festive time...couldn't they just ENJOY the all expenses paid trip to a nearby city? They didn't have to pay for a thing, we housed and fed them for several days.
After the wedding, I went on honeymoon and several other places (and I really mean SEVERAL) around India to visit friends and relatives, mostly from hubbies side. My parents called me a few times but they left India back to the States early, and then my maternal uncle kept checking up on me. I loved that. Here I was, total stranger to hubbies family, and at least someone cared enough to call and see if I was alive in all the strange new cities I was visiting. Obviously, paternal side NEVER called me after the wedding!! I was in India for a whole MONTH after the wedding. I even visited them twice in between driving to the airport when we had some time in Delhi. But you know what? Instead of just being happy that their niece was able to fit in a few hours here and there in such a hectic schedule, they COMPLAINED that I never spent the night...that I never stayed for too long. They complained that they were not in the wedding video enough...that the photographers did not take sufficient photos of them! Well obviously...the photographer took pictures of people who were NEAR the bride and groom, not the folks who were wandering off god knows where during the ceremony!!
Sigh. Anyway I shouldn't care, but I hate being the one who has to call THEM to keep in touch, to email THEM, send THEM cards etc. I refuse now actually...if I happen to be near Dad while he's on the phone with them, then fine...otherwise why should I spend money on trying to keep in touch when all they have to say are COMPLAINTS that I'm not grateful and never call/visit them?
And this all came up because I finally got an email from a paternal cousin. Instead of just chatting, he had the nerve to say how I never called him before my flight back to the USA! How I never called his parents! And can you believe it...this particular cousin emailed me for the first time (several months after the wedding) when I had already emailed him, yet he had first sent emails to MY WHITE FRIENDS who barely know him!! He was just so fascinated with my friends who attened the wedding in India that they were the first one's he contacted immediately after the wedding! And he replied to my email months later, and has the nerve to complain about ME!
Grrr. Like I said, I don't expect much from them, but why do they expect so much from me? They do nothing but put me in bad moods and give negative vibes.