Monday, June 16, 2008

None of your business

If a couple is having trouble conceving, or the couple is choosing not to concieve at the moment, or the couple is having a baby with a deformity (as in our case with the baby's clubbed feet), or the couple is having a whole soccer team of's up to the family and friends to support them. Of course that's not always the case.

My sister in law and her husband have been trying to have kids for a long time. The most frustrating part is that the physicans and tests tell them that they are totally normal, and that it's just a mystery as to why fertilization is not occuring. If they were given a reason maybe they could move on and stop trying and accept their fate. But no, there is no reason so they are hangiing onto the hope that it will happen. My heart goes out to them because they truly want a chlld of their own and have been trying all sorts of procedures and drugs to aid the process. The procedures and drugs are not exactly great for a woman's body. My sister in law has been so doped up on hormones that she's not even sure if she'll have her period again. The side effects are terrible, and the procedures themselves are invasive and uncomfortable. Each month they drive several hours away to have the procedures done because the hospitals where they live suck for obgyn issues.

And here I am, never asked God for a baby and got knocked up on my honeymoon. I feel so guilty discussing things like baby kicks and shopping for baby clothes with her. I never dreamed of setting up baby's room, what I will teach the baby, what I will do with the baby....that started when I learned I was preggo. I still cringe when I see the price of a crib or breast pump. I'd rather purchase a purse or plane ticket than spend oodles on my baby (that's the type of mom I am....). But she's been dreaming of these things for ages. She has so many names picked out, what the baby will call her, what types of dresses she will put on the baby.

On top of everything she and her husband get so many unwanted comments about their age and lack of children. I mean, here is a couple who is busting their butt trying everything under the sun to concieve, and they get mean and hurtful comments from some of their closest family members. By USA standards, they aren't even that old. By the old generation indian standards they are way behind.

It just pisses me off.


Anonymous said...

OMG, you hit a nerve with this one. I can still take some crap and I mean some from my immediate family. But what I don't get is the total insensitivity people show when they are not family. And to see this from friends. Common guys what generation are you from? That you decided to have kids and have been able to, given you a license to interfere in other peoples lives? What if someone have some reasons to hold off for a while or have been trying and just can't? Every one is on a different clock and have different issues.
Just mind your own business.

Me said...

Anon - From immediate fam members I can take some crap too, with a limit! I can't believe friends actually say this stuff.